Ego
This is Part 1
Disclaimer:
This post may shatter your fake identity that you currently performing and it can drive you mad if you not willing to let go of it. If you feel like there is nothing wrong with your current life, and no change is need.
Then maybe you should skip this post.
Let’s go back to your
Childhood.
You get inserted into schooling system, you have there bunch of experience, you begin to see the things you like, and things you don’t like. Slowly your unique personality is starting to emerge. Everything is totally fine.
Then you go to high school, and this is where shift in Identity (Ego) begins to take place at the rapid pace.
You become more aware of social dynamics, see who is cool who is accepted who is not. You observe that having this means this, not having it means that. Wearing specific type of clothes mean this and that.
You unconsciously also starting to play this game, so you look for the box that will fit you. Maybe you take identity of EMO girl, maybe you become a skater boy, maybe you’re that cool guy that smokes cigarettes behind the school.
Or maybe you continue to nurture your true inner self- whatever is left from that inner child. Maybe you continue to stay aligned with your core and never stopped drawing or singing- even tho others saw it as lame.
You see where this is going?
Still nothing?
After high school you must take another form, more identities begin to pile up on top of others. You MUST go to collage because you don’t want to be like uncle George who is plumber. Your mother said.
(Obviously there is nothing wrong about getting higher education- I’m just driving a point here)
So you continue to take more forms and identities- you continue to play high school game now in adult ways. Having this means that, etc etc.
Maybe now you wanna be that bad bitch who has Instagram with Millions of followers. (Inflation of ego)
Jessica is doing it and she is ugly bitch, so why can’t I? Right? Or maybe you wanna grow beard because it looks so cool and mature. Etc etc. You get the point.
And it goes on and one. Until you totally forget yourself in it. You no longer know yourself besides the ghost you have created. You will defend this Identity till death. Making sure that this structure remains solid. That the continuity is there.
Then one day you pull up into your driveway- in perfect suburban home with your perfect family inside. (At least on Facebook)
And something starts to break in you.
You begin to realize that you are not happy at all, and you don’t know why.
You say: “I played all my moves perfectly, exactly by acceptable society rules. I did everything to make my parents proud. I am this perfect father/mother- so what’s wrong with me you ask yourself?
This is a Performative Identity.
The Ego that is perfectly maintain. That little voice in your head that give you “advice” on what to do when it feels threatened.
That silent mover who holds the carrot on the stick in front of you. The never satisfied voice of your father you hear when you fail. That never enoughness feeling that never goes away.
Now ask yourself, what identity am I currently performing? Are you forcing something that you’re not?
Be honest!
Now let explore the other side.
Alignment
No identity needed here, nothing to perform besides simply being your true self.
With honesty and courage.
How person like that is? How do they look like, how she/he behaves and moves thru-out the world?
Well, there is nothing special in societal norms about such person.
She goes and does things that feel natural. Buys clothes that she truly likes and feels comfy in them- not because wearing them now means that she is that.
She never stopped nurturing that inner child in her. and she still writes even tho she didn’t become famous author (at lest not yet)
Person like this takes care of herself not because is trendy now to drink Cambochia tea or whatever is trendy now. (lol) But because there is no ego interference. Just pure alignment.
When you see her in public you can tell there is something different about her. She carries that calm natural vibe.
The simple presence that overwhelms all fake Identities in the instance.
If you performing fake identity , you will gossip about her, talk shit about her even tho she didn’t do anything to you. There is something internally bothering you about her but you can pinpoint what exactly it is.
Do you know why that is?
Because your fake identity- The Ego feels threatened. It wants to protect itself, it wants to maintain itself. If you become like that, if you go back to your core self the ego would have to vanish.
You invested so much into this Identity that it became energetic entity controlling your life.
Getting scary isn’t it?
Let’s leave it at that.
And I’d like to invite you on the journey to your true self.
And this blog is a safe place to do so. I can guide you to the best of my knowledge and abilities. But at one condition!
You have to truly commit and you have to truly want to do it.
Because once you see it, there is no going back.
I will see you in Part 2